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Oh, sometimes I write and other times I draw stuff.

I finished an art degree and realized I am not doing the things you need to do to make a career out of art.  

So now I mostly write stuff.  

I'll be back when I design more things that are worth posting or selling.  Or which sell or promote other people's stuff.  That's probably better with my art.
  • Listening to: "I Can't Decide" by the Scissor Sisters
  • Reading: Shakespeare
  • Watching: Cinematic Titanic, MST3K and Doctor Who
  • Playing: Ghostbusters the Video Game [PS3]
Still trying to figure myself out.  The gallery remains to remind me what I can do when I am motivated.
  • Listening to: Hoots and Hellmouth
  • Watching: Cinematic Titanic, MST3K and Ugly Betty
  • Playing: Guitar Hero On Tour
  • Drinking: iced tea
This is the backlog of projects I want to do but for whatever reason I haven't finished yet:

1. Silvervistani - a woman or girl with candy [started sketching]
2. Aracid -- a satyr pursuing a nymph [decided to turn it into pixel art.  half done with lines.]
3. Myself -- A RACE OF ATOMIC SUPER BEES!!! [not yet]
4. Myself -- Akkorokamui [not yet]
5. Myself -- GTA style character art of a female drug lord [not yet]
6. Myself -- cartoon self-portrait at age 15 [mostly finished]
7. Myself -- Panda pixel art [not yet]
8. Myself -- animated avatar [needs to be animated]
9. forum friends -- mermaids in the gloaming
10. forum friends -- Battle of the fandoms Andy Griffith vs. MST3k -- Opie Vs. Tom Servo 12 Rounds No Holds Barred
11. Myself -- Chorus line of sushi
12. Myself -- Tacocat
13. T-- something related to sewing and/or pigs.
14. Myself -- tribute project proposal.
15, myself -- "sloths will kill all your friends and ride their corpses like a carousel. Don't call them slow"
16. myself -- Caveman music video when I learn Flash
17. myself -- Forum Signature animated sprite with pixel art chars doing uma uma dance
18. myself -- "The cats have stolen the garden key."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  Contest Activity ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aw, phooey, who needs contests anyway?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Goals and Personal Progress~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thing I would most like to be better at right now:  realistic anatomy in relation to light.
Subject I draw all the time:  People
Subject I don't draw enough:  Architecture
Personal strengths:  Unusual concepts, playful humor, bright colors
Weaknesses:  I tend to overwork my images, but there isn't enough method in my shading.

I would announce that I am taking commissions, but I don't think anyone is watching and I don't have a popular style or consistent production of popular subject matter.  Oh well, onward ho!

~~~~~~~~~~~~And a PSA ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There are lots of bad things happening in the world right now, but the situation in Burma particularly depresses me.  Over 70,000 nonviolent, good people have died because of Cyclone Nargis.  International aid is available but the military government keeps waffling about allowing the aid to reach its people.  Meanwhile, thousands of other people in China died in the earthquake there, but at least China is taking care of their people.  

The Red Cross takes donations as small as $10, and if five people would donate $10, a $50 contribution, then according to the BBC:

The DEC is keen to point out that the task has only just begun - it will take years to rehabilitate all the victims. Spending priorities will evolve over time.

It says £25 (about $50; 30 euros) will provide mosquito nets for 10 people to protect from them from malaria.

£50 (about $100; 60 euros) will pay for clean water and water purification tablets for one family for 3 months.

£100 (about $200; 125 euros) will provide household kits for 10 families. A kit contains cooking pots, mugs, plates, cutlery, washing powder, toilet paper, toothpaste and toothbrushes, shampoo, razors, sanitary towels and bath towels.

And if the aid provided by donations isn't allowed into Burma, then it will go to China or somewhere else equally in need.

Here are a list of places where you can donate:

If we have apartments of wood and brick and we can afford $20 in pizza and coke, we can easily afford to send $10 to the Red Cross or DEC or another aid organization to give someone a plastic roof and better food than only white rice.

E - >}}}*>
  • Listening to: Hoots and Hellmouth
  • Watching: Cinematic Titanic, MST3K and Ugly Betty
  • Playing: Guitar Hero On Tour
  • Drinking: iced tea
There is a player-created parody of Deviant Art in Forum Warz, and it is hilarious.

I'm glad there's a limit to how much Forum Warz I can play, because otherwise I wouldn't get anything done.  Now if only there were an imposed visit limit on the *real* forums I go to...
  • Reading: Game Testing All In One by a bunch of people
  • Watching: Cinematic Titanic, MST3K and Ugly Betty
  • Playing: Professor Layton and FF CC: Ring of Fates
  • Eating: hmm... i guess i really should
Stupid DevArt.  Every time I want to upload something, it's down for maintenance.  That's why I'm not active here very often.
  • Reading: Game Testing All In One by a bunch of people
  • Watching: Cinematic Titanic, MST3K and Rainbow Brite
  • Playing: Professor Layton and my kanji dictionary
  • Eating: old banana bread
  • Drinking: chai latte
The rules are:
1. Post these rules
2. Each person tagged must post 8 random facts about themselves
3. Tags should write a journal/ blog of these facts
4. At the end of the post 8 more persons are tagged and named
5. Go to their page and leave a comment telling them they're been tagged

1. I think Symon Symian and his Smooth Synaesthesia would be a great name for a band.
2. I have become the resident artist of the Cinematic Titanic fan forum.
3. I recently made a game controller that really works inside of a cardboard box.
4. I think RSS feeds are the greatest thing since the internet.
5. I spend much more time on LJ and internet communities than on anything else.
6. I have played over 300 games during my lifetime and recorded most of the titles on my Facebook page.
7. I love children's TV shows.  Especially the ones like The Elephant Show that have lots of singing.  And double bonus points if they're in a foreign language so I can learn something.
8. I talk to my cat like she's my baby and I'm trying to teach her English.  Like, I try to say things that have actual meaning some of the time and not just "cute kitty" baby talk.

>_> There. tag ended. And I'm breaking the rules and not tagging anyone because most of my friends have probably done it already anyway and I'm a rebel like that.  If you want to, you're tagged.
  • Reading: Game Testing All In One by a bunch of people
  • Watching: Cinematic Titanic, MST3K and Rainbow Brite
  • Playing: Professor Layton and my kanji dictionary
  • Eating: old banana bread
  • Drinking: chai latte
Ok, last semester and then I'm out in the cold cold world.  Going to make it count.

I'm getting ready for the Game Developer Conference next month, working on intermedia stuff, learning Maya, learning how to promote myself (through lots of busy work in senior seminar), writing for Cerise on the Iris Network, and trying to find time to make a game demo and build a website.
  • Listening to: Cinematic Titanic
  • Reading: Hard Boiled Wonderland by Murakami
  • Watching: Cinematic Titanic, The Office, and tutorials
  • Playing: Psychonauts and Crash Bash
  • Eating: leftover pizza
  • Drinking: maccha milk
I'm planning to apply to SVA regardless of whether my portfolio is good enough, regardless of whether I can afford it, and regardless of whether I really want to move to New York City.  And I regret not visiting and applying to more schools when I was preparing for undergrad.  I've been impressed with the student animation work I've seen, and when the school announced an information session next month in New York, I decided to go while the money and time are convenient.

But man, it's hard to book a hotel in Manhatten.  Or anywhere near New York for that matter.  Unless I want to pay $300 a night for a four star hotel, it's looking like I'm out of luck.  Definitely should have booked the hotel before the plane ticket.  :P  Lots of automated rejections plus two e-mail ones.

Edit:  WTF? Even the old cheapo standby's like Red Roof Inn, Super 8 and Day's Inn are more expensive and booked up in New York.  Arrrrrrgh.
  • Listening to: The new Radiohead album I paid £4.95 for.
  • Reading: How to Win Friends and Influence People
  • Watching: Buffy :)
  • Playing: Zelda Phantom Hourglass and a Kirby game
  • Eating: OMG nearly dinner time
Finally this week is ending. I've had cramps all week, I stayed up til 3am every night but still didn't finish my homework, and Eric kept trying to call me but never at a time when I could actually answer my phone. Also, there is the work thing. That door had better be unlocked when I go in at 8 for my last day tomorrow.

Today was actually pretty good. The drawing class met at the library and watched Crumb along with a documentary about Richard Tuttle. I've seen Crumb before and am already a big fan of R. Crumb's comics, but it's always fun to watch for the first half before the Crumb family stories get all depressing and I start feeling guilty for watching. The Tuttle doc was by contrast quite dull, except for reminding me why I hate fine art galleries.

I have no problem with an artist making a living off of painted assemblages that blur the line between art and junk. I can totally identify with meditating on the motion of a piece of light guage wire nailed to the wall at one end. What I have a BIG problem with is people who would pay THOUSANDS of dollars to have that particular piece of wire nailed to their living room wall by the artist himself. I think that pieces like that are valuable as "visual poetry" as the artist calls them, but they should be seen as good ideas. Definitely art, but should not be an art commodity peddled by the galleries. The whole exhibit should be an experience that viewers pay to experience and the gallery should make money that way. Attaching a high monetary value to a single piece of wire or some painted scraps of plywood is ridiculous and one of the reasons that I want no part of the Fine Art gallery world. I don't care for Damien Hirst's stuff either, at the other end of materials spectrum. He's all about materials and pretentious titles with one-note concepts at the core. Shark in fermaldehyde. Diamond encrusted skull. A million dollars? Why not, should I make the check out to you or your helicopter mechanic?

And if you ARE going to pay a bajillion dollars for a piece of wire, why not also pay for a special website or video clip? They cost the same amount of money as the wire to produce, and the concepts in webart are every bit as artistic as a pickled shark.

AND OH YEAH!! The thing I *thought* I was going to write about is that I discovered an Asian grocery one block from my house over at Waller Center today. They have Japanese, Korean, and Chinese food that I noticed. I can get udon, daifuku, Thai tea, and candy for $5.00. That is a meal and even a healthy one if I already have fish and vegetables in the fridge like I do. AND I bought a bag of candied haws! The candy part is amazing because it is real sugar rather than corn syrup. And hawthorn fruit looks like a giant cherry and tastes like a rosehip but with the texture of a crabapple. Reaaaally sweet and kinda sour at the same time. They're supposed to be good digestive aids.

So tired. I think I'll cook my udon and watch another episode of Buffy. (I have time enough at last for serial Buffy watching during meals, and I'm in the middle of season two. Developing a bit of a crush on Spike.)
  • Listening to: Shadow taking a jinglebath (collar bell)
  • Reading: Japanland: A Year in Search of Wa
  • Watching: traffic on Broadway
  • Playing: my new R4 with Lolcatz skin on my DS
  • Eating: Chinese hawthorne candy
  • Drinking: Thai tea's all gone :(
I got an R4 yesterday for my DS!  It is amaaaaaazing!  I loaded it with DSOrganize and downloaded skins, and this weekend I'm going to make my own custom skins for it.  And somebody did a port of Amplitude that is rapidly becoming my favorite game.  The DS is the perfect Amplitude controller except that the center "triangle" button is too small.

And I'm still working on my Pong game. Today I turned the ball into a class data object so in the future I will be able to generate lots of balls in random sizes, shapes and traveling speeds.  Someday I will have a game and I will put my own artwork in it and then I will port it to the DS in either C++/SDL or Python/PyGames.

I feel like I'm making a breakthrough and will finally finish a game this year.  It would be nice if I could finish it this month, but it's not even homework for Intermedia and the shitload of drawings is supposed to come first.  I haven't even started on my costume research yet! Oh noes!  I have about a week to do the costume project, half a week to do the script analysis for the other costume project, half a week for my first short story in the fiction class...and discrete math and paper drawings were due yesterday.  I have no superfluous leisure time.  :(

I hope I can catch up by next Thursday (next week not tomorrow).  The Apples in Stereo are playing at the Dame!  Anybody wanna go?
  • Listening to: music students playing scales
  • Reading: Japanland: A Year in Search of Wa
  • Watching: campus traffic
  • Playing: my new R4 with Lolcatz skin on my DS
  • Eating: a roast turkey/swiss sandwich from arby's
  • Drinking: drinking drinking drinking coca coca cola
It's 10 til 3AM.  I didn't charge my phone, and Eric probably won't be able to call me tomorrow.  Whine, bitch, moan.  There was a paragraph here but it wasn't relevant to everything else and nobody needs to hear my long distance relationship angst.  We're here for art, and non-art soul searching is best left in the LiveJournal where I have a more exclusive audience.

It's writing time and the tea just wore off.  :(  Why is it that I can never make myself focus on something creative until it's the last minute and I'm half asleep? I think I  have to be tired to relax enough to overcome creative blocks.  I stop caring whether it's good and just focus on having something to turn in.  My writing/drawing ritual is to play Puzzle Pirates or Rocket Slime and watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer until the night before the homework is due, and then I get properly started once the rest of the world is properly in bed and only my little Shadow is around for company.  She's currently somewhere in the corner by her scratching post, or she was when I last heard the jingle bell on her collar. Ah, she's under the chair but turns to look at me when I lean forward to find her.

Yup, the writing ritual is procrastination, video games and TV followed by tiny spurts of productivity accompanied by beverages and music.  But I'm always hesitant to turn the music on because that is the final phase.  Music means I am really serious about what I'm doing and need something to keep me on task because there is no time left to waste writing journal entries that are not the fictionalized story of my first kiss that I have two hours to find a way to print tomorrow before turning it in.  Some of that Puzzle Pirates time should have gone into fixing Bucephalus the trusty desktop PC, or finding a way to hook the Lappy up to my printer.

Eep, 3AM.  Time for the music. Here come the drums here come the drums.  Jonathan Ross Show.  A bit much of the waffle, but the best music there is.

I'm almost brilliant at the last minute.  If I could find a way to induce this state a bit sooner, I could really be proud of the things I made.  Must find way to lessen game time and increase sleepy creative confidence.
  • Listening to: the quiet hum of appliances at night
  • Reading: Japanland: A Year in Search of Wa
  • Playing: nothing! I'm working no really!
  • Eating: will there be time for breakfast?
  • Drinking: it's all gone... should i make another?
Well, after a hissy fit of lacking self-confidence *and* a summer rut of depression, I am back!  

I am slowly fixing my work pipeline, and I have lots of stuff I need to upload.  But things are getting better as I now have a laptop-- if I carry my camera and card reader with me everywhere I go, surely I'll upload pictures more often, and that in turn will inspire me to draw more and make more stuff to upload, right?  Right.  And I am amazed at how different my images look on the Macbook as opposed to my PC desktop-- everything is so much brighter!  The PC is currently busted again, but eventually I can test my portfolio pieces on both platforms to find that happy medium.  I tend to get a little Photoshop-crazy though, and I wonder if I am over-editing my pictures.  Too bright?  Too saturated?  Too unsharp masked?  Is it all too much? I can never tell...until it gets completely noisy that is.

Will probably spend today fixing the images I took of my artwork, if I don't go to the Japan Club party tonight.  Still kinda undecided about that.  I want to get involved since it's a local means of practicing Japanese, but I barely know anyone in the club (except I think I met the president when I was auditing 102 and I know we have a mutual friend) and they're all younger than me. Nothing against underclassmen, but I am moving ever-nearer to a different place in life and have less to relate to with them and am less tolerant of their highly energetic antics and doing things that I gave up two years ago at least. I'm turning into a grouchy old catlady who does her homework instead of partying and goes to bed early, LOL.  I am thinking of alternating between Japan Club and open figure drawing sessions on Wednesday nights this fall.
  • Listening to: traffic, and Shadow's jinglebell collar
  • Reading: Japanland: A Year in Search of Wa
  • Watching: my kingdom for a bell-less collar...
  • Playing: Rocket Slime, Picross, Tetrs Attack
  • Eating: oh yeah... i should be eating lunch...
  • Drinking: maybe there is ice tea...
I am tired of men.  By that, I do not mean I am tired of heterosexual relationships, but I mean that I see and talk to too many guys everyday.  The friends I talk to most frequently are male, my roomate is male, gay, and a bit obnoxious, I'm taking discrete math where I am surrounded by nerdboys and the Indian TA thinks I'm the dumb blonde of computer science, I was fighting with Eric last week (we made up, but I was really mad at him for a while there), and on Tuesdays I work on a video game with even more CS nerdboys. Plus, this week I subscribed to a bunch of video game podcasts.  And of course, there aren't enough women in the game industry, not even in game journalism.  So for every female voice I hear on one of those podcasts, there are 5-10 nasal nerdboy voices.  Sigh.  The last straw leading to this entry was my discovery of a Digipen student community on LJ.  Only one member was female and one of the threads was an argument about whether vegetarianism leads to man boobs due to increased intake of phytoestrogens.  (Bullshit with a tiny grain of possible truth in science but no proof in daily reality.)

I am sick of the male perspective.  I am also sick of not being able to talk about my problems without the other person trying to solve them.  I really miss my little sister.  We talk on LJ but I wish I got to see her more often.  I also really miss two of my girl friends from Japan last year-- who knows if we'll meet up again but they were great (feminine but with gender neutral or even masculine interests).  Anna was always telling me she wanted to either be a boy or run away to an island of only women.  I don't blame her; being a tomboy in Japan is like being the only girl in a CS class--the two sexes are kept very separate and only meet for sex, which is a mystery because Japan is only just now considering sex education.  And I don't know why I don't hang out with girls more here in the States.  

But I worry.  If I make it into game design, will I ever escape the old boys' club?  Will I be able to find cool people to hang out with?  Or will I always be surrounded by people who are even more socially awkward than myself?
  • Listening to: I don't know! My head radio plays stuff...
  • Reading: not my math book.
  • Watching: the skies
  • Playing: not my ds. /tear
  • Eating: chocolate, albeit the cheap Hershey kind
  • Drinking: white grape peach juice
Ive have been tagged by ~sakudo-no-hane.  I don't have 6 friends yet and I do not think it would be good to tag the two friends I have three times each.  But It's been a while since I did the survey thing, so I'll play part of the game but not the part that involves other people. ;P
So here are the RULES:
The 1st player of this "game" starts with the topic "6 weird habits/things/hates about yourself" and people who get tagged MUST write a journal about their 6 weird habits/things/hates as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "you are tagged" in their devpage comments and tell them to read yours...

*cracks knuckles* Lets get started then shall we?

1) I can never seem to find a happy medium between having nothing to do and having so much to do that I drop the ball.  Once I commit to something, I'm not able to drop it if something better comes along or if it really isn't working like I thought it would.

2) I'm OCD!!!  When I plan creative projects, very few ideas get discarded.  It's a process of "Ooh, I could do this and this and this!" that turns into a Busby Berkeley show that I don't have the time, money, or patience to complete with skill.  My compositions always get busy, and today it was really hard for me to leave room for the sky in the painting I'm working on, even though I started with a beautiful sunset.

3) I'm antisocial until I am in pain from lack of fun.  And then I lean on my friends and neglect work.  Again, no happy medium.

4) I never ask for help unless it's almost too late.  I don't want to play the disability card until I absolutely have to.  But I'm not really as independent as I'd like to be and I think my problem-solving ability is actually hurt because I avoid people so much.

5) I dread starting any project, and then I reward myself too soon for only a little bit of work.

6) I have no concept of time.  I just lost another hour and a half to the internet, and I am contemplating ice cream which still isn't drawing or discrete math or even getting organized so I can stay afloat in discrete math.  Sometimes I find out I've been lying to myself about how much I have to do, and I believed me the whole time!

No one is tagged.  Read if you want, do it if you want, don't if you don't.  I am *not* going to advocate wasting time.
  • Listening to: I don't know! My head radio plays stuff...
  • Reading: not my math book.
  • Watching: the skies
  • Playing: not my ds. /tear
  • Eating: McDonalds is the devil, I eat anyway
  • Drinking: soda
My first assignment for multimedia is some sort of digital painting.  We've been learning how to use programming to manipulate images for the past month, so it seems to be implied that I should use programming for this.  What I really want to do is start making video games, not paint.  Sigh.  Dude, I wanna be Paul Robertson, with the Pirate Baby Cabana Battle animation!  But I've not done any real work with sprites, and I'm not sure I can teach myself in the limited amount of time I have for the assignment.  So, what to do... The teacher also seems to be hinting that we should use appropriated imagery, like Pop Art style to find new ironic uses for known images.  

As usual my first idea to get any passion behind it is about Japan.  I have Japan on the brain.  Everything is about Japan with me. We have a love/hate relationship, me and Japan.  Because I really want to go back but I also don't want to due to perverted Japanese men and all the unavoidable stares and stairs.  It is not good to be a foreigner and broken in Japan.  Elevators are often hard to find, for starters, and escalators are often one way only...  So anyway, the idea is to contrast Japan's outer image with what I perceive to be the inner reality.  Or rather, the one-liner message I want to convey is "Everything you have heard or read, good or bad, about true."  All of it is true.  Everything is cute.  Women are sexual slaves and bra burning never hit Japan.  Sushi is tasty.  Japanese people are very polite.  Japanese people are racist.  Natto tastes horrible.  I could go one of two ways with this: 1) past and present, or 2) the nonexistence of feminism in Japan.  For the latter, I looked up cute imagery of Sanrio characters to appropriate and use in an ironic context, and then I found images of Korean comfort women.  I also intend to look for imagery suggesting bondage, S&M, or how twisted Japanese porn is, and how that reflects how messed up Japanese men are about sex.  I keep thinking about my friend Anna who told me several times she wishes she were a boy because life is so much easier for Japanese boys, and also about all the stories the American guys I was hanging out with had about trying to get and keep a Japanese girlfriend.  Hmm... Louis Vuitton bag... Woman holds the purse, but may never leave the house.  Disney Princess.  Mandela.  Is there a universal map of Japanese gender relations?

I am not sure whether I should play with commercial imagery or not.  Many artists have done it, but is it really original?  And also, if I chop up a bunch of Hello Kitty coloring sheets, that is similar to a project my teacher did a few years ago wherein he took parts of many different coloring sheets and recombined them into a new image.  Like Darth Vader and Disney characters spliced into a new creature.  If I manipulate coloring sheets and add them to a collage, how is my project different?  It all feels kind of unoriginal to me, but it would be fun to do and maybe I would find a new way to execute it and it would turn into something that is mine after all.

My other idea has to do with video games, which is the other place my mind wanders to besides Japan.  But what???  I don't think recreating a game interface would fit this assignment.  Could I do something like Jason Sullivan's work?  Could I mean-average the sprites of famous video game characters?  How hard would that be, and would it even work, considering video game characters come in so many different colors and shapes as opposed to Playboy centerfolds or late night TV hosts who only come in the one human form?  Saa... issogashii issogashii...
  • Listening to: I don't know! My head radio plays stuff...
  • Reading: not my math book.
  • Watching: the skies
  • Playing: not my ds. /tear
  • Eating: McDonalds is the devil, I eat anyway
  • Drinking: soda